We are living in challenging times; sickness, civil unrest, community and family breakdown, financial hardships, and injustice prevail. It is common for strong feelings to emerge when we experience these things. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. God gave us feelings and emotions for a purpose. It helps us make decisions each day, it warns us of danger, it moves us to tears, it fills us with delight, and it enhances our experiences. However, there is a warning to consider regarding our feelings. They will change and they are not always what is true. In other words, we can’t always trust them! Allowing our emotions and feelings to lead our actions can often lead to unnecessary pain and suffering.
Consider this; Is it possible to love someone and still have an argument? Of course! Does it mean during that argument you cease to love them and now hate them? Of course not! It is entirely possible that our feelings can change or that they are not the entire truth about a situation. Anyone who is a parent can attest to the fact that you can love your child and feel anger toward them at the same time. It’s what you choose to do with those feelings that matter.
Anger, hurt, sadness, and disappointment are all part of the human condition. You have a choice with what you do or don’t do about those feelings. You get to choose a response. And responding with kindness and gentleness does not mean you disregard your feelings or that you ignore what is right and just. You can experience a feeling and choose a helpful and healthy response.
To do that, first, acknowledge the way you feel. Put words to it. Name it. Adults may have to help children and youth do this as they may not have the language part of the brain fully developed yet.
Next, recognize that what you feel may not represent the whole truth about a person or situation. You may not know why someone responded to you that way or why you are feeling a certain way. Accepting that we may not have all the pieces to the puzzle can help us put feelings in proper perspective. It only holds as much power over you as you allow it!
Then, pause before responding or doing anything about your feelings. Ask yourself if how you are about to respond is legal, moral, ethical, helpful, and necessary. If the answer to any of those is ‘no’, choose a different response.
Let’s commit to putting feelings in their proper place and practice acknowledging them, recognizing we don’t know everything, and pausing before responding. Then we will be able to respond to feelings with more understanding and much more grace.